I honestly feel like I had to complete an obstacle course in order to land in this chair today. My horse picked up speed to jump a hurdle, I forgot to breathe and my balance was suddenly lost. I was thrown to the ground, knocked unconscious and woke up in a pile of mis. Mis-understanding, mis-giving and mis-ery. Gratefully, I awakened in a reasonably short time to reclaim my conscious, mis-less state of understanding and giving (not sure what to make of the ery). To be fair, my abbreviated recovery time might, just might, be the result of many years of practice. A determination and commitment to teach what I needed to learn. I am prone to hyperbole but I do not need to enlist that device when I tell you that I entered this life as a ball of emotional reactivity. One slight offense to the sensitive, insecure, poor-me in my heart and all bets were off. The race was over and I was left face down on the track. No wins, no ribbons, no parades. Just a large, toxic dose of self-deprecation, humiliation and shame.
It is humbling to remember that I can still be thrown by a few hurdles.
We suffer when we fall out of our creative flow and into a state of darkness, powerlessness, and fear. Resisting our flow obscures our inner light and prevents us from living in the moment. We all do it. We know when our power is off. We feel drained, distracted, anxious and again, miserable. This shadow or dark force feels like it is at odds with our creative energy yet it is there to help us define it. As we paint expressively I offer the notion that darkness adds depth, definition and beauty. It helps us to see the light more clearly. Darkness can throw us, yet if we trust the process, it can lead us closer and closer to finding our own power. I think that it is our deepest calling to turn this power on and share it with the world.
Right now writing to you deepens my breath, anoints my recent bruises, and reawakens my creative energy. What a relief. I love this process of allowing the words to form as they may. I love the possibility that these words might hit a chord in your heart. I also love witnessing how this writing, meditative in nature, leads me to an honest expression. One that I am beginning to trust is worth sharing. If a miracle can be defined as a radical shift in perspective, then I would say this newfound trust is nothing short of that.
I wish you the miracle of a new perspective. May it turn your magnificent power to ON.
All my love, Jane